World financial markets have been rocked by the results of the Casa del Davy referendum that decisively rejected austerity today.
With 100% of votes counted, the Bonita Revolutionary Republic of Rugby has rejected by 1 vote to nil the demands of the Gnomic Bank of Zurich (local representative and chief austerity enforcer: MrsDavy) for the repayment of a mortgage and sundry credit card amounts. “They were obviously incompetent in giving me any money in the first place,” said Ned ‘Alexis’ Davy. “What on earth were they thinking? The neo-liberal Illuminati/Bilderberg financial conspiracy needs to take full responsibility for encouraging my irresponsibility.”
Mr Davy said that the money seems to have disappeared into thin air, or at least a fair few cream doughnuts and a Sky TV subscription.
“I’ve checked under the sofa cushions, and can confirm that there is no money left. Zilch, nada, nothing. I am particularly concerned about the effect of austerity on the youth unemployment rate of the Republic which currently stands at 100%, and which is seriously undermining the financial viability of the NedSaver pension plan. As things stand I’m going to have to keep working long after I’m dead.”
He says that he will submit an alternative financial plan to creditors that involves the restructuring of the alleged loans on to the never-never, in return for an emergency liquidity injection of €3.2 billion to keep the local economy ticking over until happy days are here again, which may or may not be as early as 31 October.
“Fair suck of the sav, sweetie,” said Mr Davy, “what’s a few billion between friends?”